Waxwings

Get ready...

“ GUILT DOESN’T HEAL ANYTHING, IT JUST DESTROYS WHAT'S LEFT. “

Waxwings is a medium-sized, chubby, long-haired Maine Coon. The tips of his ears, the fur on his cheeks, the fur on his elbows, and the fur on the sides of his tail have an odd shape that look oddly like wings! Most of his coat is a cream gold that gets a little darker towards the outer parts. The fur on his face, underside, and the ridge of fur across his back are much lighter.

He wears a lot of accessories; a necklace, bracelets, an arm band, piercings, a clip on his forehead and wraps around his tail. They're all gold and he treasures them. Less treasured are gold capped teeth, gotten from breaking his teeth enough.

-----------

“ THE DOG THE WEEPS AFTER IT KILLS IS NO BETTER THAN THE DOG THAT DOESN’T. MY GUILT DOES NOT PURIFY ME. “

(this section is very long)

ARC I… CHILDHOOD

FUTURE CHANDLERS :

Wishingwisp was a society cat that, against her better judgment, fell in love with a cat she met at the Market. She kept seeing him around, and they finally began talking. His name was Blacklight. It was clear that he was falling for her the same, if not harder. Wishingwisp did admit her feelings to Blacklight but not without some fear. He reciprocated, his obsession with the molly fueling him to slowly begin to indoctrinate her into his faction. He hit a roadblock with her dedication to her faction and her family. Everything she loved resided in the Society of the Sea.

One night at the market Blacklight pulled Wishingwisp to the side and forced her to choose. It was her faction and her family, or it was him. Crocodile tears and guilt tripping were his tactics to get her to abandon everything to stay with him. She finally agreed.

BARELY LIT WICK :

Wishingwisp never wanted kits. She'd nearly passed the last time, and the kits came out as stillbirths. She'd expressed this to Blacklight but he didn't really listen. All he wanted was a legacy, no matter the cost. Finally, with enough convincing, she reluctantly agreed. The pregnancy was incredibly difficult, as Wishingwisp's immune system had always been rather weak. She got sick many times, and spent most of her pregnancy taking herbs with the Starseeker and Scholars. Finally, at the later end of winter, she gave birth to three kits. Blacklight was there, but even at that point, he wasn't very present. Very soon after the birth of the kits, Wishingwisp died. Blacklight looked upon the kits with no emotion at all. He had no interest from that point, and left the body of mate and kits in silence.

Despite only one of the kits being alive, all three were given names by the Starseeker. Lavenderkit, Bluekit, and Waxkit were their names. Waxkit was the only one who survived, the other two being stillbirths. They were still given names, to honor the little bodies taken to the stars.

FORGOTTEN FIRE :

Blacklight never visited Waxkit. He intentionally pushed him to anyone who would watch him. He spent barely any time bonding with the kit. He'd have to be coaxed or forced into it. If not for that, Waxkit likely would've never known Blacklight was his father. Something was good! During his time in the nursery, Waxkit met Radiantkit! They were instant and very good friends! It was the only high point. Waxkit desperately tried to get Blacklight's attention, but he seemed far more focused on anything else. No matter what he tried, he failed. One way or another, he was pushed away again. Always forced back to the nursery.

One cat visited him more than even his father, Hornetstar. He'd seemed originally to just be telling them kit's tales, but Waxkit was enthralled! He wanted to know more about the stories, and about Hornetstar himself. Blindly indoctrinated, Waxkit began to pray with prayers recited from what'd he'd been taught. He was desperate for praise, connection, and love. He felt like he was getting those from Hornetstar. Waxkit became more attached than he knew. He was the first at the leader's paws, the first to listen, the first to ask. The perfect pawn. He didn't know he was doing this just to choose.

ARC II… EDUCATION

MOLDING ANOTHER CANDLE :

At 6 moons, Waxkit was named Waxpaw. As Hornetstar called the newest apprentices to their mentors, Waxpaw is incredibly surprised to hear that he chose to mentor him himself! He was incredibly excited, giddy even! He loved Hornetstar! He'd told him so many stories, and he was so kind! Surely nothing bad is going to happen!!

A PUDDLE OF MELTED WAX :

Hornetstar was terrible to Waxpaw. He was short and aggressive. He treated him as if he were nothing more than a burden. He swore he was torturing him! Was it necessary? He was training him as if he were meant to take over for him as a hardened leader one day. He often felt as though he was nothing more than a weapon to him. He never really knew just how true that was. Throughout Waxpaw's entire apprenticeship, he was never good to him. He was worked to exhaustion frequently, and passed out during lessons. When he did, after he awoke, he was simply made to train again. Hornetstar didn't care for his well-being, only that he retained faith to the stars and became a weapon for the sun. Waxpaw swore that in his worst, most grueling moments, he saw someone. He swore that someone was always there, watching. He could be delusional, but he always felt watched. At one point, he'd fallen unconscious, and Radiantpaw found them. Hornetstar and eventually even that presence, albeit very aggressively, sent him off back home.

ARC III… YEARLING

ITS ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE :

After enduring all of that violent training, at 13 moons, Waxpaw finally was given his final test. When he's given the droughtplum, he eats it. He swears he sees four massive cats cloaked in white candlelight. At their feet is a swan, bloodied and mangled. They are silent. Watching. He didn't know what it meant. Not yet. After successfully recovering, Waxpaw became an official knight, and was given the name Waxwings. On the plus side, he's still best friends with the same tom!

LEFT TO BURN :

Radiantpaw, now Radiantreign, had made this friend during his apprenticeship. Her name, now, was Swandive. From the very beginning, he'd been unnerved by her, but he couldn't put a paw on it. Soon enough, Radiantreign and Swandive become mates. Waxwings was happy for them, but he couldn't shake the feelings that something was wrong. He was… jealous as much as he was unnerved. He wasn't sure why. He still stuck around.

Waxwings’ doubt in Swandive's sanctity was only confirmed as he'd approached them. And to think, his intention was to try and quell his unease. Swandive had been putting on a show for herself, describing how they'd kill him just to feign getting better and being strong to gain favor with the Lionhearts. Despite the tremble of his paws, Waxwings knew what he had to do. As the stars bore holes into the back of his head, he planned over the next moon how to kill Swandive.

SNUFF OUT THE FIRE :

Waxwings spent the morning he was supposed to complete his mission terrified, pacing the theater. He kept replaying the thought of Radiantreign's death in his head. It was the only thing that was keeping him to the plan. Early in the morning, he saw Swandive, and he was no longer scared. He was angry. Keeping calm, he approached her and asked her if she wanted to go on a walk with him. He promised he had something about Radiantreign to speak about. With a lie on the top of his tongue, the two left. Nobody saw.

With them two alone, Waxwings found himself nervous again. He'd never killed before, and Swandive was bigger than him. He'd brought them down a particular path towards the Starlight border. He'd found an area that seemed to work and analyzed it until he found what worked best. He diverted her attention before disappearing into the thicket. After they called for a minute, and Waxwings finally worked up the courage. After all, if he didn't do this… then they…

Waxwings, from his vantage point, pounced on Swandive's back, knocking her to the ground. A fight broke out, a nasty, bloody fight. He was crying before he knew he was. So much blood… so, so much blood. For about an hour, he sat there. Slowly he stood, and grabbed Swandive's scruff, and quietly dragged their body back to camp. Sobbing, he dropped her in front of Hornetstar, needing a minute to mostly stop crying before he could explain. Once he did, he told him that he and Swandive had been caught at the border by a massive beast, another cat. He tells him that they fended the cat off, but that they bled out and didn't make it. Waxwings recounts a false but believable image of the cat. Maybe it was the tears, maybe it was the storytelling, or maybe it was Hornetstar wanting him out of his fur, but he was believed.

Radiantreign was there to bear witness, and he didn't want to believe it. Waxwings understood. Though he was filled with guilt, he offered his shoulder. Radiantreign accepted, through that and everything else he went through. His family dealt with so much and he wanted nothing more than to help. Soon enough, they went through the Nine Days of Longing, and for a moment, Waxwings could forget about everything.

(UN)WELCOME CHANGES

Hornetstar and Cryingsun are both found dead, and Waxwings is more distraught over the leader than he ever thought he'd be, even despite everything. He spends longer grieving than most likely did. Dawnstar is made the new leader and Shiveringsun the Starseeker. An alliance is made with the society, Corvid Colony is lit on fire and then can't seem to keep a scholar. Soon enough Shiveringsun announces that Dawnstar, Smokesnake, and Ruinwatcher had all left with Lyrekit. As Trepidstar is announced the new leader, Waxwings really hopes things couldn't get worse.

TLDR : Waxwings had a terrible relationship with his father after his mother passed upon his birth. The clan's leader (Hornetstar) came into the nursery to visit the kits, and Waxkit loved him. Waxpaw his trained by Hornetstar, who is very violent and aggressive, but convinces Waxpaw its nesseary, that it's what Starclan would want. Waxpaw meets Radiantpaw. But Waxpaw... is always tired. Its concerning to Radiantpaw. Waxpaw becomes Waxwings, and realizes he's in love with Radiantreign. Radiantreign has a partner though... Swandive. He's happy for them. Waxwings overhears Swandive planning to kill Radiant for simpathy from his high-ranking parents. Waxwings, deapite all he knows, plans out and kills Swandive.

Despite his good intentions, he is currently riddled with constant guilt, especially after he ended up with Radiant. Will Starclan ever forgive him? Will they ever answer his prayers?